If you interrupt while the other person is speaking it makes it obvious that you aren’t listening to them. A correction? How to argue with your partner without falling out By Paul McKenna 14 February 2020 Every couple, no matter how close or well matched they may think they are, will argue from time to time. Where we are less than we want ourselves to be. Argue in good faith. Sure, it can be fun to debate a current issue or argue a case in court, but when it comes to personal relationships, I’d rather not. Instead, figure out what a resolution to the situation looks like. Couples that are confident in their ability to work through arguments are more confident in the strength of their relationship. Look it up. Try to positive and encouraging of one another's pursuits. These tactics work best if both partners use them, but you can definitely see improvements if you start leading by example. Worse, they can result in escalating or creating more conflict — the last thing someone who hates conflicts wants to do. 3. As a result, the way to end the argument is not for one person to win. 3. Sometimes it’s actually terrible advice. If you enjoyed this post, you might also like: Why You Should Never Say ‘Things Could Be Worse’, What I Learned From Trying to Save My Friend From Her Toxic Partner, I Am Slowly Learning To See The Beauty In Breakups, The Relationship Red Flag That’s Honest But Feels Awkward, Practical Steps to Help You Get over Your Divorce. I always had better success with the second option and spent much less time doing it. If your partner is already feeling angry or hurt, this can quickly make things worse. Even if it seems like the only possible explanation. It is a very important skill to be able to differentiate between both terms as this will be beneficial to your relationship and even your communication skill generally. Ever heard the adage “never go to bed angry”? Fight for your relationship. Making sure you’re holding eye contact and positioning your body toward your partner when he or she is speaking will also signal that you are listening. It comes down to simple principle we share: An argument is not over until we're grateful that it happened. This does not help you toward your goal of getting through the conflict. The Link Between Happiness and Sexual Intimacy, Will Your Relationship Last? Really hearing their point of view may even be enough to avoid a fight by giving you information that you’d been lacking to overcome a misunderstanding. That’s because character assassination is just another way of making them into a “loser”. An explanation? I have gotten better at it and you can too. Just apologize if you need to. Often just the act of explaining why they are so upset helps someone calm down. It is an opportunity to learn about where you and your partner each feel vulnerable. We may not be able to avoid disagreements and conflict, but improving how we resolve them can make our relationships stronger. One I dea: Use Emotional Distancing. Neither does our partner. Say how you feel and how things look to you, but don’t pretend to “know” things you don’t. These tactics help if you are dealing with a reasonable, non-abusive person with whom arguments, and especially raising their voice, are an exception, not the norm. I am not one of them. "If your partner feels you hate his or her family, that can extend to hating your partner, too. It helps to remember that when someone we love does something we don’t understand there is usually at least one piece of information that we are missing. Rise in COVID-19 Cases: Good for Approval Ratings? My shoulders fall back down (into place) and I can begin to relax. There is no winning. It's fine to talk about how to deal with each other's families, but be nice about it." That desire to avoid can be mighty. Don’t let the resentment snowball. Fight until you drop into a place of pure gratitude for the other person, who’s here fighting alongside you. This means calmly explaining why you are hurt/upset/angry/disappointed without ascribing intent to their actions that they haven’t verified. I hope not. First, there is a category of arguments that happen in relation to facts – what happened and when, who was President during the first World War, or how many states ratified the ERA. If your partner is so angry they don’t want to listen to anything you say, it’s not the time to work through the problem. Be clear about what you want. (Ever notice how it follows interrupting?). Try to calm the situation down by offering love and understanding. Insecure. This can be the hardest part if you hate conflict and you’re the one who’s upset. To the contrary. Plus, you can’t both yell and still be heard. Yet, being able to stick to the discussion, even when there is a disagreement or conflict, is important for maintaining communication. Part 2: The Mismatched Mates, 8 Things You Have to Remember When You Fight With a Partner, The Good News About Fighting with a Romantic Partner, Why You Pick Fights With Your Partner — and How to Stop. The key, then, is to create space for what the other cares about – listen – and let that care evolve in response to where you are. I hope not. Fight for what you can create together. A person who doesn’t care has no reason to fight. When you argue in these ways, something shifts: an argument becomes an opportunity to learn more about how to be a better and happier partner. If it’s late and you’re both exhausted, or you’ve been drinking, it’s even okay to go to sleep without working things out. So, saddle up. Support your partner's wants and needs. Other arguments arise in relation to making plans and allocating resources: how to work, play, parent, house-keep, or accomplish a task; what to buy, where to live, how much to save, and when to spend time together; who’s going to do the dishes, and how you’re going to pay the bills.